I spent a large part of my life looking at what I didn’t have. I was the youngest of 6 kids, my parents worked hard. The TV was thrown out when I was about 8 years old. I took to reading. There was no one at home when I came back from school. Being the last of the litter I was often the last one to get any attention or at least this was part of the story I told myself.
I had to go through many relationships, and do a lot of ancestral work before I was able to flip that story and crack out of the circle of abandonment I had created for myself. I will write another blog on that at another time.? However once I managed to flip my story, I started to realise that many people are stuck in the story they tell themselves of their childhood. I met a lady who told me she had suffered tremendously as a child. When she told me the details of her childhood, I couldn’t find anything worth her sad and tragic identification of one who had suffered. I am not try to devalue her story or experience, I just know many many more people who had a harder time but didn’t call it suffering. Of course the beauty of our story is in the eye of the beholder.? I worked with someone in a workshop who was angry because her current lover didn’t choose her soon enough over his ex wife. I asked myself why she wanted to focus on something that was? not done at a moment in time and why she wasn’t enjoying the fact they were together building a great relationship.
So my question really is this. As you go through your life what are you focusing on? I used to focus on what I hadn’t. I have met many other people who also do this. Focusing on a lack. It might be the story that helps you make sense of your relationships, or your childhood or any given situation but is this a helpful story?? You see in my story, the lack of people around me gave me a great independence. I turned to books for company, and became articulate. I was cooking competently for myself by age 11.? There is so much I gained, but I couldn’t see it.
I have decided to force myself to look at what I have daily and to practise gratitude for it.? Instead of focusing on your parents not being there for you? Or not having the great car, or not having the amazing home, can you look at what you have. A roof over your head, food in your fridge? Is it possible not to focus on your problems or your diseases and try to look at the blessings you have in life. I know when I stub my toe, it becomes my full focus, the intense sharp pain in this small area of my body. When I take a deep breath, I remember I am healthy and well in the rest of my body and in good form.
Anyhow at the risk of being very repetitive this week, I am asking you what are you focusing on? What you haven’t? Or what you have? After all as Henry Ford reputedly said, ‘If you think you can or you think you can’t , you are probably right! ‘
Have a good week.