If you haven’t forgotten you haven’t forgiven. That’s a statement right? Forgiveness is something I have been challenged in greatly of late. What is there to forgive? Why should I forget?
I can pardon wrongs done to me by others, I can pardon unacceptable behaviour. I can make excuses and say that the other was in their special space, perhaps it was baggage, their buttons were pushed, or even yes their hormones were too strong. In any way it wasn’t intentional… Oh wait, it was intentional? Well I still forgive you, because I want to move on, I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to remove you from my life. Any and all sorts of excuses could be made for the behaviour of another. But how do we behave afterwards?
Even though in our relationships we think we have gotten past the incident, the hurt, are we now a little more cautious? Has it got to the extent where we start to compromise ourselves for fear of another event? Are we actually in some form of mild trauma, because we haven’t forgotten, that if we blow our nose at the table one more time our significant other will go off on one?
Well the truth is there is BIG difference between coming to terms with, and accepting, and knowing about the behaviours of others and truly forgiving them. Forgiveness is not about just acceptance. As long as there is a grudge, a painful memory, a regret, a wish that it was different, or had been different, then we haven’t truly forgiven. We are still in someway holding onto the resentment.
Resentments as I am coming to learn, are that magic trick we do whereby we drink the poison and hope the other person gets ill. Or to be more specific shoot ourselves in the hope that someone else will feel bad. Wow heavy analogies there right? Nope. Who benefits from me holding to a resentment? Even if I understand the reason that my parent wasn’t parenting the way I expected, even if I have talked myself round and flipped the switch and tell a different story to that of victim or survivor, if I am holding onto it in any way, If I am remembering it, recounting it, then I am repeating it and then I haven’t forgiven , because I haven’t forgotten.
Not only that, but If I am still acting out because of it? Then I have not even come close to forgiveness.
See forgiveness, is not easy.
NO they won’t win if you forgive. You will. Your holding onto whatever bad feelings is what is causing that pain in your body, that discomfort in your breathing, that blockage in your intestine. I am pretty sure, after manifesting many physical conditions and listening to the gurus and the teachers and the lightworkers, and going through 12 steps programs time and time again, resentment ( lack of forgetting) .. is the number one cause of pain discomfort and dis-ease
Our quest as many sages and wise ones have stated, is to live in the now, to know God ( whatever that means) , to be our best selves. We cannot do this while we are grasping the nettle of our past and telling ourselves that just because we are used to the pain, it doesn’t really hurt anymore.
So in my quest to be my best self and of best use here on earth there are two questions I have to deal with daily. Can I let go, can I truly forgive those who through no fault of their own, who were ill equipped to deal with life or step up in a way I expected? If I cannot , then there are no winners. If I can, then it is I who win. How? Because I heal, I let go, I free myself and I move on. Now who wouldn’t want that? If I win, there is a ripple effect. But here’s the rub, can I also forgive myself?