Frustration and Fear are Energy Stealers

My mood has been off for days. My situation to recap is that I am currently be paid my salary by my company while on gardening leave after they had to restrict certain roles in the company for financial reasons.

Many factors come into play but if I can find a training course that is adequate for my reconversion, I can be paid for up to two years on a reduced salary.

This is a wonderful opportunity to create the ‘Healing Path’ and also to gain further education that can me in quest to help people walk a spiritual path to sobriety.

I wrote the headline for this piece a few days ago when I was getting myself stressed out about things that are out of my control. I have a degree from D.C.U. and a postgrad dip from D.I.T. My new universities have asked me for evidence of my results. I supplied my transcripts to University A, and they offered me a place, but then they changed their phone number, didn’t answer my calls, didn’t reply to emails and so I checked for some online reviews. The results were shocking.

I contacted my liaison officer who is helping with my gardening leave and reconversion and informed him to stop everything while I get some feedback from University B. University B has sterling reviews online. They have the same transcripts as University A. However, the transcript is missing the thesis result.

So I get onto to DCU, who then send a statement of my course completion with an incorrect mark. This is not good enough for University B. They want an honours degree. I have one. I am back in touch with DCU. They send a statement with the correct mark, an honours 2:1 in communication studies. Still not good enough for University B. They want my thesis mark. DCU don’t have it. I argue the toss by email that I can’t get an honour degree without having completed a thesis. What is the problem ? Use your common sense please? Nope. Not good enough. I realise I am in fear. I am in fear of this amazing opportunity going up in smoke because of red tape or someone, anyone, refusing to use sense and I am not trusting my higher power. What if HP doesn’t actually want me to study this degree and has a better plan?

I decide to connect with DIT where I did my postgrad. I have been waiting for Transcripts from them for 7 weeks now. They can’t find my results either. It seems both Dublin Universities didn’t manage to keep relational databases in the late 1990s? Both universities, where I used computers learned how to type and wrote my own thesis in each case, didn’t keep electronic records.

Finally DIT send me a statement that I passed my postgraduate diploma with a distinction, ( still proud of that one 🙂 ). I forward this to University B where I am expecting an answer to say, ‘Yes we accept you onto the course and please register.’ Ah, no. Now they request a motivational letter, a copy of my passport and then they will forward my application to the admissions office.

I get the sense I have been dealing with a middle man who wants to cover every base possible to ensure I get admitted. Frankly I have found the experience more than frustrating. Again my question, why am I getting bent out of shape? This is the will of the Universe. What will rushing into anything get me? Perhaps this ‘down’ time is a gift to be enjoyed?

So here I am this morning, waiting 5 hours in Vienna airport to get to Dubrovnik from Nice. My good friends from Chicago are celebrating a wedding anniversary and I will join up with their whole family for 2 nights. I have no idea what I am letting myself in for.

I attended a meeting last night and didn’t turn on my volume apparently after it, although I think I did. I didn’t hear my alarm this morning and woke an hour late. My morning routine binned, I showered and left quickly, catching an uber to the airport. I arrived in plenty of time.

I found myself meditating in the car and reminding myself that meditation doesn’t relax me, it makes me aware. Relaxation is a choice. I gave into it.

I meditated formally on the plane. 54 days without a break so far. I wonder how long I will manage before I have a day where I don’t do it. I will publish this, and just give in to the adventure.

HP is so good and loving. I get to support friends, I am abundant loved and blessed. This is the Healing Path.

Ooops I almost forgot, the tiredness I feel is the hangover from all the frustration and fear, that changed absolutely nothing, gave me absolutely nothing and were a complete waste of time and energy. Take a breath, express gratitude, and allow it to be the way it is.