The Alkie at San Pa

I am the alkie. This place is so inspiring.

At least that’s what I wrote a week ago and then never finished. There is a lot going on in my head and the reality is I am putting myself under pressure that is completely needless.

I had applied to two universities online to study a Masters in Psychology. The deal at present in my world is that my company will pay a good chunk of the fees, and keep my salary while I train. That’s just an amazing blessing. I seem to be struggling to accept I am worth this wonderful opportunity. There are threads of guilt and awkwardness.

The other part of my current situation is that I have a company , that accompany me in my reconversion. So it’s a lot of red tape. A lot of bureaucracy, a lot of documentation and an addict mindset are not an ideal mix.

I have been chasing down my old universities to get transcripts. One of the new ones that I applied to , I have binned. The online reviews were atrocious. On the other hand the online reviews for the second one were brilliant and their reactivity was great too, so hopefully next time I write here, I will be enrolled in a Masters in Psychology.

Visiting San Patrignano and hanging out with addicts was as always not only inspiring but very instructive. It was great to find similarities in the way we view life, our stories our decisions. What was difficult was to imagine how to get from nothing to where they are now. A town of a 1000 people working in a social cooperative free from substance abuse disorder is no mean feat and isn’t built in a day.

study at San Pa
Study Group at San Patrignano

I need to keep my sights much lower. If I can create a community of 10 people, 5 sober and clean who help the other 5, then that would be huge. Even If I start with 3 people, it’s something. We all have to start somewhere. I read a quote the other day, that you don’t have to be great to start, but you won’t ever be great unless you do start. It motivates me.

It’s not a question of greatness, its a question of starting. I have received some funding , which is amazing. So I have to practice my gratitude and continue with my baby steps. It’s challenging. I am learning.