I have no doubt that some of you reading this you have worries on your mind due to the corona virus, or an election or perhaps the markets. I have other issues. My own human shortcomings have been raising their heads lately and I have spent winter fighting depression, and not really doing enough to deal with my life problem.
My addiction is up and staring me in the face as a possible way out. Of course it’s not an option and I do what is necessary to keep myself clean and sober. I talk, I go to meetings, I look at my twelve step program and work it to the best of my ability.
My work contracts have almost all dried up and I find myself in a financial situation that is tough, frightening and almost , I say almost debilitating. Again I turn to my program, I do the next right thing, sometimes just the next thing, right or not.
I have found that when I share my problems in meetings, and others share their problem with me, it’s a little like the old saying , a problem shared is a problem halved. At least someone out there reading this might get a perspective they don’t have or find a comfort or clue in how to deal with their own issues.
It’s been a tough week. A good friend overdosed, then decided to get right and commit to the program and so we are working together. A few of my remaining work contracts were cancelled due to clients being too busy to commit. I have been up and down emotionally as step work is quite taxing in itself, and through both fear and elation. However the Fuck Everything And Run, or Feel Everything And Run ( FEAR) is not really a solution.
The fear comes with the not being able to see a way out, not understanding what is happening or why, identifying with feelings of failure shame and uselessness. This is normal and it’s a choice. The Elation at my friend finally committing to getting well, to friends inviting me for meals and discussing my issues as friends and confidents, the people giving me leads or call back interviews ( yes I have a call back that might change my life radically) , are all positives and focusing on these is also a choice.
I guess what I am learning and sharing this week/month with you is the following, If I am focusing on the shadows my outlook is dark, perhaps I can decide to focus on the light making the shadows. Can you? Can you change your focus of stress and look at what is going well?
I hope to write more again soon. Have a beautiful day because everyday is beautiful.